Diaspora

Back in the day, I’d waste away my spare time reading books. At one point I was going through 1 novel every 3 days. These days, I can’t even remember the last time I picked up a paperback.

I used to have a little white swing parked in my garden. In addition to being my evening reading spot, it needless to say also allowed me to spy on my childhood crush who lived just a few doors down from me. I know somewhere in my old room, there exists a shoebox that has got a picture of my 12th birthday party with friends from primary school that I barely speak to anymore, let alone see.

Maybe I’ve come to realise that although I miss the comforts of home and everything about Klang, the thing I wish for the most is for things to be like how they used to be. Sometimes we get so consumed living life, trying to make it out to be what we want, too occupied trying to obtain what we think is essential, that we lose track of the very path that brought us into being who we are in the first place.

Writing used to be one of those things that brought down the walls of my imagination. Entirely free of criticism. It was perfectly okay if nobody understood what I was writing about because in effect, they only served one master, me. I remember all the late nights I used to spend looking up new music on Pandora or just flipping through iTunes’ catalogue whilst thinking about what I really wanted for in life.

Stepping over that cusp, I’m still not too sure about everything. But I guess that’s the beauty of the uncertainties of life. You ride the waves, hoping that they don’t lead you too far out into sea but yet you still crave the thrill of that very thought. Maybe, I just want life to be simple again.
Free of complications. To be a teenager again, with no responsibilities, not tempted by monetary values nor emotional ties. But this is just me, rambling on a Monday night, technically Tuesday morning because melancholy is setting in. In 8 hours over coffee, I am quite certain that I’ll be able to convince myself that going home is never going to be the next rational step in life, not where I am right now.

 

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