Honestly

And with our pens set down (for what we hope is for the last time this year), we marked the end of the academic year. This semester has most definitely played out at a frenetic pace. The memory of me touching down on the 4th of August, teary eyed from a bloody long layover at Sydney, and heading out for AB up north for dinner right after, still seems like it was last week.

Perhaps it’s because I came back with a different perspective. Maybe because I was prepared to give this whole thing another try. Most importantly, I had my head on my shoulders.

Throughout the past 4 months, I paid no attention to things that might have been, nor to things that could have been. I was too occupied with living in the present, because I’ve finally learned to not jump ahead of myself.
The only downside to all this was not having enough time to myself. I’ve been so used to being idle, and travelling along the paths that my at-times daft imagination was prepared to chuck at me.

I honestly do feel like I’ve grown tremendously, spiritually speaking. The demons that tormented me aren’t entirely banished, but at the very least they’re kept in check & don’t haunt me as often as they used to.

This post has been a long time coming, I just couldn’t find the right amount of time to sit down and express it in the right words that I envisioned. There wasn’t any point in churning out generic sounding paragraphs. Your local ojien could do that just as well.

In a way, this page has slowly ceased to being all about everything, and more about my downs and reflections. I’m not entirely sure I like the direction in which it’s going, because it was never my intention to trudge down this road. Having such deep thoughts of mine lying out here for everyone to see, it scares the living shit out of me. It’s like walking down Hindley Street in your birthday suit during winter.

I find it a little amusing that with every year I age, the more jaded I become. Outwardly appearances no long possess that golden sheen. Maybe I’m a little tired of the plasticity and glossiness that everyday life has to offer. The urge to write about the ups, and great things that happen… it just doesn’t mean jack anymore. I reckon the only reason I still write is because it keeps me sane and ensures that my english doesn’t deteriorate like a fuckin’ bogan saying fill-LET.

Blogging is such a cliche right now that, it isn’t like how it used to be anymore. What uberfusion used to be, a medium for me to selectively share parts of my life with not only friends and family but also strangers, can no longer work because the security blanket is gone. I could always hide behind this facade to strangers, yet at the same time appear as I am to people who are acquainted to me.

Regardless, most of my future posts will be password protected. I am not an attention whore. There is a vast amount of people out there who are. I’m not one of them. I write for my satisfaction, not others. And neither am I bothered by my stats. Private thoughts should be just that, private.

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